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Air Conditioning: An invention for sucking the warmth out of the sensuous summer air, so that we might shiver in July and work through the season without dreaming of hammocks or lemonade. Algebra: Undergarment worn by female math teachers. Something which enables a woman to profit by her mistakes; 19. American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business. Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. Something too old to be anything but too expensive. ) Usage: See “Rats” Arguing With A Woman: There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Something that gets better when you don’t have facts; 3. Arrow Margin: Milestone for an Archery contest winner. Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire, at least in a small way. A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable; 42. A man who can take women or leave them, and prefers to do both; 44. Bachelors: Married men may have better halves, but bachelors have better quarters. Backward Nation: One that hasn’t tried to borrow money from the U.

A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them; 4. The highest possible longitude and the lowest possible platitude. Afternoon: The part of the day spent figuring how we wasted the morning. Afterthought: A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it. Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,876 times a day. Associate Producer: About the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. Athlete: A dignified bunch of muscles, unable to split wood or sift ashes. Old auctioneers never die - they just look forbidding.. An unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people; 6. Man’s effort to make work so easy that women can do it all. Average Joe: Guys who have nothing better in their lives than to read joe-ks @ … A man who’d rather have a woman on his mind than on his neck; 15. A man who plays the field without ever fielding the play; 19. A man who, when he accomplishes something, gets all the credit himself; 21. A man who would rather wash a pair of socks than a sink full of dishes; 25. Bamboozle: To convince an angler to purchase a bamboo fishing rod. Bananosecond: Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement. Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist; 4. A game many enjoy more than football because they don’t need a college education to get tickets; 4. Beach Erosion: A case of bad tidings Beans: Actor’s caviar. Beaulieu Hill: The optimum vantage point from which to view people undressing in the bedroom across the street. Benevolence: The distinguishing characteristic of man. Beppu: The triumphant slamming shut of a book after reading the final page. Big Bang: The primordial slap on the backside of the newborn universe. Big Gun: Frequently an individual of small calibre and immense bore.

The game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played, but the goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to make connecting flights. Airhead: What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Airplane: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets. Alimentary Canal: The passage through the human body from which President Reagan’s ’trickle down’ theory of economics was based. Antique Furniture: What you get from living with children. A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent; 2. Apocryphal: A statement or story which is widely circulated, believed to be true, but probably isn’t. An exchange of ignorance (see also Discussion - an exchange of knowledge). The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. Army Captain: A uniform with two chips on each shoulder. Arpeggio: The story book kid with the big nose that grows. Back Four Seconds: What a clock does when it’s hungry.

Airplanes: One of those things that’s of no earthly use. Antique Shop: A junk store that has raised its prices. Antitalksident: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. A place where you start to turn off your radio and discover you’ve been listening to your neighbour’s. This includes the collective works of Dick Cheney & Michael Moore. Arithmetic: Being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. Armed: Is a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed? Back Nine: The final 27 holes of an 18-hole golf course.

Acting is all about honesty - if you can fake that, you’ve got it made. A guy who, if you ain’t talking about him, he ain’t listening; 2. A man with an infinite capacity for taking praise; 4. A man who can walk to the side of a stage, peer into the wings filled with dust, other actors, stagehands, old clothes and other claptrap, and say, “What a lovely view there is from this window.”; 6. Administratium: Another of the heaviest elements known to man (see also Governmentium). That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking; 2. Admiration: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves. A period in which girls try to make little boys stop asking questions, and big boys begin; 3. Blowing Your Buffer: Losing one’s train of thought. BP: Company in Gulf of Mexico that turns your barbecue into a tarbecue. The thing you are forced to use if you haven’t much formal education; 3. What a man looks for in a wife, after not using any in selecting one; 2. Briefcase: A trial where the jury gets together and forms a lynching party. An inner voice that warns us somebody is looking; 17. Consciousness-Raising: The fine art of teaching well-adjusted citizens to view themselves as victims of oppression.

An art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing; 2. ADA: Something you need only know the name of to be an expert in computing. Provider of decisio Administratiumns that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. An independent state, highly taxing yet often insolvent, located just beyond comprehension; 2. Blotter: Something you look for while the ink dries. The Bozone Layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. Bridge Partner: A person who is undesirable if he has a one-trick mind. A place where people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t like. A trait that gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet; 16. Coverage: To pretend to be older or younger than you are.

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Abatis: Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside. What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss; 4. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous; 2. That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life; 6. Bison: What you say when your child leaves for school Bison Slider: What you might have to eat if Mc Donald’s finds out you’re copying its burger. A wager as in, “I bit you can’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways”; 2. Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer. Blameless: A person who has obviously never been married. Usage: “Ah bleeve we ought to go to church this Sunday.” Blew: Colour of the wind. Bloatware: Computer software that takes up a large amount of memory but has, in proportion to the space it takes up, minimal functionality. No point in washing it - just blow it off and put it back in the silverware drawer. Blurricane: A natural disaster that moves too fast to be seen clearly. An old computer so useless that it needs to go to sea. Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.” Bobbleheading: The mass nod of agreement by participants in a meeting to comments made by the boss even though most have no idea what he/she just said. Bogey: The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above-average honesty. Boinka: The noise through the wall which tells you that the people next door enjoy a better sex life than you do. Bon Vivant: A man who would rather be a good liver than have one. No need for dismay, however: two bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident. Boob’s Law: You always find something in the last place you look. Book: A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay awake long enough to read the night before finals. The man who is early when you are late, and late when you are early; 2. Brane: A multidimensional object with dimensions ranging from zero to nine. A man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run; 3. A politician who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the liberal, who wants to replace them with others; 5. Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.” Consultant: 1.

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