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There’s a dance that codependent couples do, and it takes two who know the steps.
If you think your wife is codependent, there’s a good chance you are, too.
The dilemmas of codependent men aren’t talked about.
Unlike women, few men discuss their relationship problems with friends and family. Many are in denial, suffer in silence, have an addiction and/or become numb to their needs and feelings.
Some men are verbally and even physically abused by their wives and girlfriends and don’t know how to handle it.
Often, they’re afraid that authorities won’t believe that their wives are violent and feel humiliated and ashamed that they can’t deal with it themselves.
They shun attention and try to do the right thing and be good sons, husbands, and fathers, focusing instead on making a living and meeting the needs of their wives and children.
These codependent men sacrifice themselves and believe that their needs, including the need for time away from their wives, are selfish.
Individuals who are codependent base their identity and self-worth on their partner.
Sometimes, their wives threaten to lie, or do so, and accuse their partners of violence. They can learn to value themselves and change the relationships dynamics by healing their codependency and setting boundaries. Their lives revolve around their addiction – whether it’s a drug (including alcohol), sex, gambling, food, or work – which they use to modulate their mood and self-esteem.
They try to control their addiction and people around them in order to maintain the addiction. Abstinence or sobriety allows them to work on the underlying issues of codependency.
Self-control helped you survive, but controlling yourself or others leads to problems later in intimate relationships.
Despite the prevalence of codependent women, I see many codependent men in my private practice.
Your needs were also ignored if you took on age-inappropriate responsibilities because of an out of control, irresponsible, or immature parent.