Widow dating site
When one of the kids asks to hear a story, my mind finds fewer stories to share.
I’m sure memories will resurface at different times in life, but I want to have access to every single one at any given time.
So instead of dwelling in the hurt of relationships lost, I’m focusing on the new, beautiful people God has put on my path.
I’m getting better at letting go of hurt, disappointment and negativity.
I continue to seek Him, but I wanted to confess this year has been a faith-tester, for sure.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, and it doesn’t make the heart and mind any smarter. Maybe it’s something the kids say or do that make me happy or proud, or maybe it’s something I’m afraid of and need help working through, and for a millisecond I think about calling or texting my husband to share the moment with him or to seek his help.
My pre-widow self wasn’t able to sympathize in the same ways. I don’t know yet if that will be true for me, but I can tell you that my depression really set in the closer I got to year two. Sometimes I can’t feel His comfort and I’m left with a decision to trust His promises and follow Him anyway.
The brand-new grievers with raw, fresh pain stay on my heart and in my prayers for months and months. It’s real and it’s a suppressive joy-stealing demon. I refuse to be stifled by its grip on me, so I’ll fight it every way I know how. I’ve chosen to do that, but I want to admit it hasn’t been easy.
The people who are genuinely concerned about me…the people who are sincerely praying for me and selflessly wrapping me in their love, support and friendship have risen to the top like rich cream.
I’m trying to be less selfish about the shake-up of my inner circle. There’s been a little bit of getting used to pain in this first year, although my heart is far from calloused.
Although it’s true that maybe I cry softer and maybe even less frequently, the pain hasn’t really lessened. My wound still bleeds, but there aren’t as many new cuts.
As I slept, I reached for his hand, and it wasn’t there to hold. It perfectly summarizes the beginning of year two though.
So here it is boiled down to ten things I learned in my first year as a widow.